


As Long As It's Free

by wafer



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Arguments, Feminism, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mac and Cheese, Swearing, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 19:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13060275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafer/pseuds/wafer
Summary: Nyssa has news.





	As Long As It's Free

The Doctor was in the console room, fiddling with some broken part that either didn’t matter or would cause the destruction of everything in the universe. It was usually one or the other. There was a wrench in his mouth (seeing as his hands were quite busy), and his blond hair was tied back into a pirate-y ponytail. He was wearing a sweat-band to keep his bangs out of his face, and he was singing obscure showtunes, but it was muffled by the wrench. He looked like such an ass.

 

After about 5 minutes he was sweating like a pig and Nyssa decided she would come in bearing tea and big big news. She set the tea down and said “Doctor, I’m a lesbian.”

 

The Doctor, who was chugging tea, was uninterested in this statement and therefore did not respond to it. Kind of rude, but okay.

 

“Did you hear me?” Nyssa asked, as the Doctor removed the teacup from his lips. He grimaced at it.

 

“Why the fuck have you brought me tea?” he asked. “I’m a growing boy. I need alcohol.”

 

“Doctor, you know that’s not a good idea. Besides, you sweat like a man and you smell like alcohol for days. That’s why Tegan hid all your hard liquor.”

 

“That was Tegan?! I feel so hurt and betrayed!” The Doctor launched the teacup across the room and it shattered into a million pieces.

 

“Doctor!” Nyssa exclaimed, eyes wide.

 

“I hate tea!”

 

“That doesn’t mean you have to throw it across the room! You can still appreciate the things your friends do for you!” Nyssa shouted barbarically, pounding on the walls like a concussed cavewoman.

 

“No!” the Doctor yelled insolently, crossing his arms.

 

The commotion brought Tegan and Turlough running in the room.

 

“What the hell is going on in here?!” Tegan demanded, stomping her foot.

 

“Turlough!” the Doctor exclaimed excitedly. His eyes lit up like New Year’s fireworks.

 

Turlough looked very handsome, standing there so gallantly. Even when he wasn’t doing anything, he looked like a romantic, masculine hero. Nobody could even detect the look of terror in his deep blue eyes.

 

And then the Doctor noticed Tegan. His eyes narrowed. “You!” he growled, jumping up to his feet.

 

Tegan backed up. “What did I do this time?” she asked sarcastically, crossing her arms.

 

“Wanna tell me what you did with my vodka?” he whispered menacingly, edging closer and closer very slowly.

 

“Okay, as the man of the room, I’m gonna have to interject here,” Turlough said, stepping in between Tegan and the Doctor. The Doctor suddenly broke out of his haze and his eyes widened. He was still angry about the alcohol, but feeling much less abusive.

 

“Shut up, Turlough. If anyone’s the man of the room it’s Tegan,” Nyssa said, pointing at her friend. Tegan’s jaw dropped to the floor.

 

“Why does the word ‘man’ automatically mean strong and capable? I am a woman!  I AM A WOMAN! ” Tegan screamed.

 

“Shit…” Turlough whispered.

 

“Yeah, a woman who steals,” the Doctor muttered bitterly under his breath. Turlough rolled his eyes.

 

“Well, so am I! And I’m a lesbian so I’m more oppressed than you!” Nyssa shouted.

 

Tegan didn’t hear her friend’s argument. She was too busy chanting “I am a woman. I am a woman. I am a woman. I am a woman. I am a woman.”

 

So Nyssa decided to start chanting “I am a lesbian. I am a lesbian. I am a lesbian. I am a lesbian. I am a lesbian,” just a little bit louder.

 

Naturally, the Doctor (the stubborn git he was) started chanting “Thief! Thief! Thief! Thief! Thief!” louder than both of them.

 

Turlough sighed. Why was he the one always cleaning up the messes? He began chanting “EVERYONE SHUT UP. EVERYONE SHUT UP. EVERYONE SHUT UP. EVERYONE SHUT UP. EVERYONE SHUT UP.” His was the loudest voice in the room.

 

It took about 30 seconds but everyone eventually heard him and quieted down.

 

“Haven’t any of you seen Mean Girls? Instead of fighting, we have to address our feelings and issues straightforward,” Turlough said calmly. He sounded a bit like a therapist. 

 

Everyone in the room had their arms crossed, bitter expressions on their faces, but they weren’t objecting.

 

“So...Doctor, you go first. Who are you upset at and why? Use your words, not your actions.”

 

The Doctor sighed, and said “I’m mad at Tegan for stealing and hiding my personal belongings.”

 

“Tegan, is this true? Did you steal from the Doctor?” Turlough asked, turning to his other friend.

 

Tegan rolled her eyes. “I mean, technically yes. But he always sweats so much and it smells like alcohol and I hate it!”

 

“That’s what I said!” Nyssa yelled.

 

“And how about you, Nyssa? Who are you angry with?”

 

“I’m angry at the Doctor.”

 

“Why?” Turlough asked, interested. The Doctor looked shocked and offended.

 

“Umm...let me think. I told him I was a lesbian. I opened my heart up to him and he ignored me! I brought him tea, but apparently it wasn’t good enough for his highness! I told him who took his drinks and he threw his teacup at the wall!”

 

“What the fuck, Doctor?” Turlough asked, incredulously. Then he put a hand up. “Sorry. I’m unbiased. I have no opinion. Your turn, Tegan. Who do you have a problem with?”

 

“Nyssa!” she yelled, pointing accusingly at her friend.

 

“Hey! What did I even do to you?!” Nyssa demanded.

 

“You said I was the man of the room! I’m a woman!”

 

“Jeez, I’m sorry! Can you take a chill pill?!”

 

“Hey that’s a good idea! Let’s all apologize to each other. Doctor, apologize to Nyssa, and Tegan, apologize to the Doctor,” Turlough said smartly.

 

“Sorry, Nyssa.”

“Sorry, Doctor.”

 

“Thank you. Now,” Turlough put his hand on Tegan’s shoulder, who pulled away violently. “Can we put this all behind us?

 

They all gave him a quiet “Yes.”

 

“Good. Now - scatter!”

 

Tegan and Nyssa left the room but the Doctor stayed, staring at Turlough with adoration in his eyes.

 

“Is there anything else you want to talk about, Doctor?” Turlough asked, leaning back onto the console flirtatiously, accidentally slipping on some strange oil and ripping his shirt sleeve. “Fuck,” he whispered. The Doctor didn’t even care about the incident, he was just in awe of Turlough’s assertiveness and quick-thinking.

 

“What you did just then…” the Doctor laughed nervously, a blush creeping onto his face. “...Wow… I mean, that was smart. That was well smart.”

 

“Thank you Doctor. I did it all for you,” Turlough responded sensually, adding a little wink at the end.

 

The Doctor inhaled and smiled, taking a step forward. He held Turlough’s face in his hands and kissed him, taking his breath away. Turlough may have whimpered a bit but if he did neither ever acknowledged it.

 

Turlough pulled back, suddenly feeling the confidence of a million kings. “Do you want me to make you some macaroni?”

 

The Doctor looked at the ground and smiled, biting his lip. He finally looked back up and said “I would love that.”

 

So the two men joined hands and skipped merrily to the kitchen, thus ending the first installment of Super Mega Gay Fanfiction.

 

**_The End._ **

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when I was 15 so have mercy. If it sounds dumb just know I made it sound dumb on purpose.


End file.
